All children are vulnerable to predators—people who might want to take advantage of their innocence. Children on the autism spectrum and those with developmental delays are obviously even more at risk because of their inability to understand what behaviors are appropriate and inappropriate. An adult or older child might confuse a special needs child with terms that seem harmless like “friendship” or “hugs” or “secret.” And even if our children are never put in a dangerous situation, they could inadvertently embarrass themselves by exposing or talking about their private parts at improper times and places. Especially as our children approach puberty, it’s important to teach them basic principles of modesty.
The only way to protect our children is to teach them. The trouble is, the concept of “private” and “public” can be difficult for these kids to grasp.
One way to teach the concept of “private” to a developmentally delayed child is to create a private zone in your home. Create an icon to indicate the word “private” that your child can learn and recognize, such as either of these:
Using an icon like one of these, here are some things you can do:
- Make several copies of your “private” icon and have them mark the boundary of your child’s private zone. For example, put one on the door of your child’s bathroom, bedroom, and one on the drawer for his private things such as underwear.
- Talk about private parts. Which parts of the body are private? Talk about taking baths, using the toilet, and undressing. Point to the icon and explain that we do these things only in the private zone.
- Catch your child during any moment of immodesty and immediately, say, “No, that’s private,” taking him to the private zone. If he undresses outside of the private zone, or steps outside in his underwear, time to direct him to the zone.
- If your son or daughter spends a great deal of time at a grandparent’s house or other relative, consider using the private icons to mark off a zone in that home as well. If your child attends a special class, consider talking about the private zone concept with your child’s teacher, even using the icons in the classroom (on the bathroom door, etc). This is especially important if your child has had modesty problems in these locations.
- Have a consequence for being immodest outside of the zone. Time on the naughty stool or think time might work.
- When your child is ready, teach her to say “No” to anyone touching her inappropriately. Teach her to tell you about improper behaviors immediately. However, these children are potentially so vulnerable that it is a good idea to be aware of where they are, and who they are in contact with at all times.
Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here. Some links on this blog may have been generated by outside sources are not necessarily endorsed by Kristyn Crow.
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