As many of you know, I am living in a house full of teenagers. This can mean a great deal of black and white thinking as they all work to form opinions, create their individuals identities and figure out how they can be separate, different people and break away from the authority of adults and parents. This means that I am constantly bombarded with opinions and theories and some downright opinionated declarations.
I am working on helping my kids understand the difference between having an opinion and being opinionated. Opinionated, of course, means that a person has an opinion but believes that this is the only “right” opinion. As aggravating as this is, I’m finding it can be pretty common with the teenage mind. It seems really tough for them to developmentally comprehend that various opinions and ways of looking at the world can all be “right.” Especially since they are working so hard to be different from “mom” and the “establishment.” It seems that in order for them to be secure in their opinions, they need to be “right.” And, that means that I must definitely be “wrong.” Well, not exactly…
I continue to try to gently model the acceptance of diverse opinions. This doesn’t mean that their belligerent opinionated rantings don’t get on my nerves. But, I’m holding on to hope that it is just a phase and if I continue go model and share the difference between sharing diverse opinions and digging in with close-minded opinionatedness, they might eventually catch on. Right now, it’s hard for the youngest ones to “get” that two or more opinions can live in the same house–especially on emotionally-charged matters. They are wrestling with how people can be both “good” and “bad” and how life can be so messy, complicated and confusing. Still, I’m determined that this is one of my parenting challenges of the teenage years–helping them to understand that having an opinion about life is one thing, being closed and opinionated is another.