A Children’s Protective Services caseworker visited our home one Thursday evening. It was not an unannounced visit. We knew she was coming and anxiously awaited her arrival; she was delivering our new family. Our angst was well founded; our life as we knew it, was about to drastically change from an empty nest home to a family of four with two very confused and frightened little boys.
Since that special day, we have had many learning experiences with the boys. I became a teacher on a regular basis. I have taught them daily hygiene, good manners, the importance of self worth, the proper use of a dinner napkin, reliable flushing technique, elementary math, sanitary sneezing procedure, and how to blow a stuffy nose properly. The most important lesson I have tried to instill is the importance of praying.
Children that have been emotionally traumatized usually build a shell around themselves for protection against the pain they have encountered. The boys, ages eleven and nine at the time, were in great distress. They had lived a precarious life for some time, culminated by their mother’s abandonment. To say the least, these kids were not your conventional, run of the mill all American boys.
It was difficult earning their faith, after all, we were adults. Their experience with adults was not one of fond memories filled with love and trust. We had rules in place, they were not well versed in household rules and resented having to follow them. I was feeling unusually frustrated one Sunday evening a couple of weeks after their arrival. I was quietly doing the dinner dishes and praying for guidance. God spoke to me with His usual calm. Teach them to pray, Linda. Not just at the dinner table, but whenever they need to talk. When they are confused, frightened or angry, teach them to BELIEVE that I will listen.
I discussed it with Paul and we started a Family Night once a week. Our first topic, praying to God. I stressed how important it was to tell God all about their problems, their fears, their day in general. We used scripture to reinforce our point. I made it clear to the boys that we loved them and wanted the very best for them. We were, however, only human and we make mistakes sometimes. So if we didn’t always understand what was going on inside, God does know and would always be there to recognize their needs and just as importantly, to listen. It took awhile for them to understand the concept of prayer. Both boys accepted it in their own time frame. Daniel, our youngest, responded quickly. Randy was wary but eventually became more comfortable talking with God.
To date, we’ve had several conversations on the value of prayer. There is no doubt in my mind God has listened patiently to a multitude of complaints lodged against my rules and the consequences they “endure” for negative behavior. He is their sounding board, their therapist, and their friend. It has taken some of the burden off our shoulders for the kids to be able to go to God in prayer. It has taught them to look a little farther than temporary or short term fixes. We have many discussions on God’s timing and ours, learning patience in waiting for Him to resolve an issue.
We do not use God as a crutch to avoid our responsibilities. Instead, we rely on His wisdom to guide each of us through the relationship we have developed with each other as a family unit. Having God to talk to privately and personally has been a real asset to our boys’ mental health and is helping them travel their life journey with Someone that won’t let them down. Our children have come a long way since that Thursday evening the caseworker delivered them to our door. The boys are learning to trust again.