School is starting and with it the usual purchasing of the latest fashions. Which all to often are by my tastes are too tight, too revealing, and just plain immodest. Often teenagers do not realize the message that they are portraying when they dress a certain way. When asked what a teenage girl wearing tight jeans and a skimpy top is saying about herself Dr. Bernal, who recently presented a paper on teaching adolescents to not be slaves to fashion at the international Congress on the Emotional and Sexual Education of Adolescents, said that teens often wear that type of clothing “to imitate their friends or simply because they want to show off their body and feel accepted in their social group.” Yet unconsciously the teen is expressing how she feels towards others and how she wants others to relate to her. “Our body language, especially the way we dress, may express these things without our saying a word, or even without our admitting these feelings to ourselves.”
Instead of teaching people to search with in themselves, find their own style, and conform to their own feelings, today’s world constantly sends messages that life should be fun and pleasurable. Clothing styles reflect this attitude. Dr. Bernal says, “The way people appear has less and less to do with their personal identity, and this is a very worrying issue. Anxiety among young people to achieve the ‘right look’ while suppressing their natural inclinations leads to loss of self-esteem, dissatisfaction and permanent frustration.” Teenagers become obsessed with the physical as they try to “connect with others and feel part of the group.”
So how do you teach your child to find their own style instead of going along with current trends?
Teenagers need to realize the connection between fashion and feeling. Feelings that clothes evoke in the wearer and others who see the person. Dr. Bernal says, “This explains why some people who feel ugly or unattractive choose a more sensual look through their clothes in order to feel more attractive.” A teenage girl need to be aware that how she dresses sends a message about herself that she may not be wanting to portray.
Another message that teenagers need to learn is that they need to create their own personal lifestyle. I recently watched the movie Sky High and I felt that the red-haired girl in the movie was a perfect example of a teen that had her own personal lifestyle. She did not follow the trends of everyone else. She had her own style of clothing. She did not believe in dividing people based upon their abilities, and consequently was mislabeled a sidekick when she actually had hero worthy powers. But the label didn’t bother her because she knew who she was.
Dr. Bernal encourages parents to “educate children in aesthetics, or taste. This means facilitating contact with nature and the arts. Developing their powers of observation and the capacity for amazement. Feeding the imagination and memory by means of literature and good movies. Encouraging self-knowledge. And helping young people to be original, not letting them fall into the uniformity that exists today.”
The last item is to teach children self-control. Dr. Bernal says that self-control is important because teens that have self-control “are not carried along by a situation but are able to assert their personality and their values.”
See these related articles for more information.
Where Can I Buy Modest Clothing?
Building Self-Discipline In Children