Over the last 40 years society’s morals have been decreasing. Drug and alcohol abuse, violence, and sexual promiscuity have been increasing. There are three key family characteristics that contribute to a teen’s choice to live a moral life: family connectedness, parental regulation, and freedom to express opinions.
Family Connectedness
Delinquent teens are less likely to come from families where parents show love and appreciation. Where the teenagers feel a connection and a belonging with the family unit.
So how can parents foster family connectedness?
· Spend one on one time. Go to an athletic event, get ice cream, or take a ride in the car.
· Express love often. Say it and show it with hugs, pats on the back, or even just a smile.
· Spend time together as a family. In our family every Sunday was family day. We played games and talked. We also ate dinner together every night.
· Be liberal with praise and generous with forgiveness. We all make mistakes.
· Develop family traditions. I remember with fondness the traditions our family had.
Parental Regulation
Youth need rules and expectations or they often fail to control their own behavior. One study found that few teens complained about the strictness or number of rules their parents had but a number wished their parents had been stricter.
What can parents do to ensure family regulation?
· Establish family rules. Develop the rules and consequences as a family. This gives them ownership over the rules.
· Enforce the rules. Teens have to learn that bad behavior brings consequences.
· Show increased love following reprimands. Teenagers need to know that you still love them even though you don’t love their bad behavior.
· Assign household chores. This develops a sense of responsibility.
· Monitor behavior. Talk with your teens. Find out what they are doing and whom they are doing it with. If you doubt answers, check with parents of friends or teachers.
· Allow independence within the context of family rules.
Freedom to Express Opinions
Listen to your teen. Show respect for your teens opinions even if they differ from yours. Help your teenager explore new ideas and understand the consequences. This helps build self-worth. When parents aren’t tolerant of views and opinions youth often look to their peers or withdraw inside themselves.
How can you help your teen feel free to express themselves?
· Encourage your teen to express their feelings. Listen and don’t judge.
· Allow them to share their views even if you disagree.
· Help teens explore the sources of their opinions. Acknowledge their ideas then help them figure out why they think the way they do. Also help them figure out the consequences of ideas.
· Let them develop their own interests and abilities. Don’t push them into something just because you did it or want them to.
· Don’t resort to withdrawal of love as a means of correcting behavior. This promotes a loss of self-worth and pushes teen towards dependence on peer groups.
As a parent there are some key steps you can take to help your teenager make moral choices in today’s immoral world. But remember no matter how hard you might try to teach your teen they still may choose a different path. Just don’t stop loving them.
See my related blogs on “Religion Helps Teens Make Good Choices” and “Teaching Teenagers To Be Sexually Abstinent.”
Many of the ideas used were drawn from an article titled “Helping Teens Stay Strong” found at www.lds.org in the March 1999 Ensign.