I think the “teasing vs. torture” issue is universal in family life—it is not just for families with more than one child. It can be the interactions between a child and his friends, parent and child, or between two parents in the home. We may think we are being playful and teasing—but are we really? Are our jokes being taken as jokes or is the other person perceiving them as hurtful, annoying, or torture. Teasing should be light-hearted and fun, an opportunity for everyone to have a little chuckle. If someone gets their feelings hurt or ends up in tears, the teasing is not coming across…
Different families have different teasing thresholds, but I think it is important to take individual temperament into consideration too. Some children are much more sensitive while others like a raucous good laugh at their own expense. My son is rather thick-skinned and he has had to learn that he cannot evaluate “teasing” always based on what he can handle and thinks is funny. He has to consider it from other people’s point of view too. He used to always say things like “That wouldn’t bother me” or “I don’t know what the big deal is”—but over time, he is learning that he cannot gauge everyone based on his own teasing capacity.
Of course, there is a balance when it comes to teasing and torture—those children who are super sensitive might need to learn how to let more things roll off their backs, while others need to learn how to make the humor fit the person or the situation. Sensitivity and considering all the different personalities in the family are both important, but I think it is a good idea to keep an eye out for when teasing ceases to be fun and becomes painful torture instead.
Also: Stop the Teasing
Help Your Child Recognize Bullying