I had two younger brothers who always seemed to be at war against one another. Once they hit their teen years, it was like they couldn’t stand to be in the same room. As their sibling, it was also clear to me that they couldn’t stand to be apart from each other either. There were inside jokes, secrets, rivalry, and sometimes even blood. Yes, I witnessed sibling rivalry at it’s finest.
Now that I have my own teens I am witnessing sibling rivalry from a different point of view. With an older brother, younger sister combination I have learned that sibling rivalry takes on many forms. In our case, the older brother wants to protect his sister and make sure she learns and follows all the rules that will keep her safe in life. The younger sister, however, wants no part of it. This is where the tension begins. He seems bossy. She seems flippant. She pushes buttons, and he get frustrated. She feels smothered. He feels disrespected. I feel for them both.
But what’s a parent to do? When I was younger, I was often by my parent’s lack of intervention into the squabbles of my younger brothers. The most they would say is “You’re going to need each other when you grow up”. (They also drew a line when fights got too heated.) They were right. It appears that the most fierce of sibling rivals, turn out the be the best protectors and defenders of each other as adults.
When dealing with my kids’ rivalry, I do my best to be understanding when the butt heads and careful not to pick sides. Of course, by not picking sides it may seem that I am. Both my daughter’s requests I tell my son to back off, and my son’s demands to ‘smite her’ go unanswered and this just adds to their frustration. I draw the line at pushing, and shoving, and my kids have never drawn blood like my parents did. Like my parents however, I simply reminds him that one day, they are going to need to rely on each other and they should probably start practicing now.
~If you liked this you should also read my other posts at the home blog, the homeschooling blog, the parents blog, and the frugal blog. You can read my recent posts here.
Does it Really Matter Who Started It?
Fostering Closeness in Siblings