After watching a story on the Today show about teens wanting plastic surgery, I could only think that this was a symptom of a bigger problem. Teens who linger on the imperfections in their body, are generally suffering from a case of low self esteem.
Sure, there may be some things about their body, anyone’s body, that they would want to change, especially if mom and dad have already changed those same features. Still, for a teen to be willing to trade the pain of the knife for a perfect nose or less giggly middle, I have to wonder if something is missing in their lives. Don’t they realize that there is nothing as simple as a quick fix and one plastic surgery always leads to another.
So how does a parent help teens maintain a healthy sense of self esteem?
The first step is the hardest. Parents must model a healthy sense of self esteem. Your kids are going to hate the same thing about themselves that the parents hate about themselves. To prevent this kind of trickle down self hate, parents should keep things they hate about themselves to themselves. If you hate your nose, that both you and your daughter have… keep it a secret. Instead focus on your lips that you love, and talk about that. If you hate the big ears that you share with your son, find a positive feature that you have in common and focus on that. If you hate your body, and you and your kid have the same body type, you might not want to be verbal about it.
Compliment your child often. You can’t tell your child too much how wonderful you think they are. Tell them they are smart. Tell them they are pretty or handsome. When an outfit looks especially good on them, point it out. If they are hard on themselves, find a way to turn the conversation around.
Focus on their best features. Back when I was a kid, my parents would find the best asset of each child and focus on it. One kid was the smart one. One was the pretty one. One had the great personality. While this is a nice attempt at focusing on the kids’ best features, it is a flawed approach. No child wants to be categorized in that way. Instead, define your child’s best features in all areas. For example, you can tell a child that they have a beautiful smile, that they are a whiz at math, and they are a great leader among their friends. Be specific and truthful, and ingrain into that child that they are special and unique.
Steer their negative talk into a different direction. When they say, I’m fat, you can remind them that they actually have good eating habits and should be proud of themselves. When they say they are stupid, point out something that they are actually quite brilliant at. Always look for the silver lining in their bad statements and don’t allow them to wallow in self pity.
If you liked this you should also read my other posts at the home blog, the homeschooling blog, the parents blog, and the frugal blog. You can read my recent posts here.
You should also read:
Should you Tell Them You’re Disappointed?
Practice Introducing Your Kids Positively