Most of my children are pretty good about sharing things with me. Granted they tend to do that less as they grow older but I still get those moments where they are willing to really open up.
However I have one child in particular who is like a clam. It is extremely difficult to get anything out of him. He will make it very obvious or clear that something is wrong but that’s as far as it goes.
I have been known to badger my child for days on end to try and find out what is wrong. But I know that isn’t really the best way to go about it. It only causes him to shrink back more. While I want my children to feel safe talking to me, I shouldn’t make them feel suffocated.
Yet I want my children to realize that I am always here for them so last week I tried a new tactic when something was obviously bothering my son.
Once again he clammed up. He buried his face in his pillow and refused to answer any of my questions. So I tried something new. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down three words, “School,” “Home,” “Church.” I asked him to circle which one it was about. He circled school.
Then I broke it down even further: “Friends,” “Grades,” “Teachers,” and “Girls.” He circled friends. At this point he wouldn’t go any further than that. That was as much as I was going to get out of him. So I told him that was fine. If he wanted to, he could write me a letter.
That’s exactly what he did. He ended up writing me a note about what was going on. For whatever reason he isn’t comfortable saying out loud what is troubling him but I found a new way to get things out of him.
Don’t get frustrated when your child isn’t willing to open up. Part of it is just their age. But you can also get creative and find a way that will work for them. The key is to remember that our children need to feel safe and not suffocated.
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