It can come as a big surprise to parents of gregarious babies and toddlers when they suddenly develop intense, unpredictable and seemingly irrational fears. Usually, somewhere around the age of three or so, many children start to get fearful of things they hadn’t noticed before and for a parent, it can seem to come out of nowhere. They might suddenly be afraid of taking a bath for fear of going down the drain, they might start having nightmares of being afraid of ghosts, or something might happen in their every-day life that gets magnified into a big fear. What can a parent do?
It might help if you understand how typical these developing fears are. They can come from anywhere too. My own three children developed sudden fears about being washed down the tub drain, having the ceiling fall in, getting hit by a car, and one of my daughters became convinced that E.T. lived in her closet and came out at night after seeing the movie when she was about 4 years old. I had no idea the movie would be so fear inducing for her.
While I am not a psychologist or child development expert, I did notice that my children’s “irrational” fears seemed to come along at the same time that they started become increasingly imaginative and increasingly social. As they started to move around in the world more and start playing “pretend” with their siblings and friends, they seemed more inclined to worry and have fears over uncontrollable things happening. I think that constant reassurance and loving understanding works better than trying to rationalize and “prove” that the fears are unfounded. Over time, children do develop coping mechanisms and as they gain more of an understanding of the world, the fears tend to dissipate. Understanding on our part, and giving them the “tools” to learn how to self-settle can help them gain the confidence that comes from mastering their fears.