This is where we are right now, so this is where I will stop… for now. I’ll finish out the process once we have gone through it so that I can give my own perspective on it.
So far we have received child studies on three girls. The child study is like the home study, only it describes the personality and life history of a child who is available for adoption. The study is given to us to review together, and if we decide we want to take it further we let the social worker know. She then puts us in touch with the girl’s case worker, who arranges to meet with us, or talk with us, about the girl. This is a “match meeting”.
The purpose of the match meeting is to hear the case workers perspective on the girl, get the whole history, have questions answered, and decide if you want to go further. This is also an opportunity for the case worker, guardian, and anyone else who has an interest in the child’s future to decide if they think you are a good family for her.
Ultimately, it is about finding the right family for a child, not finding the right child for a family. What we want doesn’t matter if it is decided that the child would be better off somewhere else. And since what we want is for the child to have the best possible chance, we are okay with that. Though I have a feeling it will be upsetting to have someone tell us we’re not the right family… I think we’ll deal with it alright, understanding what the purpose of all of this really is.
We have had two match meetings so far. The first one was over the phone. Unfortunately we had to say no to that girl. We felt horribly bad about it, even though we know that we shouldn’t. We have been told many times, by many people, that we should never feel bad about saying no. But, as usual, that’s easier said than done.
The second match meeting was in person, and it included the case worker, the adoption recruiter (the one who wrote our home study), the guardian ad litem, and the girl’s current foster mom. We are really optimistic about the second match, but we are still waiting to hear back from them. Honestly, I left there feeling a little unsure. I didn’t know what to expect, and I sort of wish I had been more relaxed, had asked more questions, and had participated more in the discussion. Overall I think it went alright, though. There is some paperwork that still needs to be completed, and there is another family being considered. So… crossing fingers and hoping!!