There has been absolutely no progress on our adoption.
People talk of the waiting game, but I have always imagined that as being part of infant adoption, not older child adoption. Parents wanting to adopt infants have to play the waiting game much more than parents wanting to adopt older children. When you express an interest in adopting older children, social services can, and will, work with you right away.
We were presented with a possible match, but we have been playing phone tag with the case worker for weeks now. The last time she left a message for me was on December 3rd … over a week ago. I called her back within fifteen minutes. I got her voicemail, left her another message, and haven’t heard back from her since.
I know… they’re busy. I know… it’s the holidays. I should just… be… patient…
We know almost nothing about this girl, just the very basics. We know her name, age, race… we have been given an overview of her life and her situation. We know a little bit about her personality, but only what they could fit into a short paragraph. And we have some general information on how she found herself in foster care.
We are unsure about this match, we want more information. We need more information.
Based on the information we were presented with initially, we are very skeptical. We are not convinced, and we have a lot of questions. And we had a lot of concerns.
I was immediately conflicted between feeling as though we are not the right family for her and wanting to just take her in and love her and make it all better.
Who am I kidding, though…? I want to take them all in and love them and try and make it all better.
Tom had to try and explain to me, again, why it is okay to say “no”. He even said I should do a blog about just how hard it is to say “no”. I know, in my head, that it is okay to say “no”. I’m just not always feeling it with my heart.
I keep telling myself, and I keep telling others, that I want to keep an open mind and wait until we have more information. It’s not a good idea to make assumptions or jump to conclusions, it’s best to wait until all the facts are in and make an informed decision.
However, the longer we have to wait, the more intense that internal conflict gets.
While I’m logically telling myself that we are not the right family for her, I am also coming up with ways to convince myself that we can make it work. I’m telling myself that I’m not ready for this particular challenge, while I’m also coming up with strategies for dealing with the challenges she would present us with. I read the little bit of information we have about this girl, and while I’m telling myself that I don’t know enough about her and her situation to make an informed decision, I am finding myself filling in the blanks using my imagination!!
That’s not right. I know that’s not right. But what else am I to do while I sit here and wait?