Many of us single parents have an interesting and evolving relationship to “stuff.”–We may have gotten out of a marriage or relationship with relatively little, or we might have gotten locked in a struggle and battle to “get our fair share.” Any one who has been through an even amicable separation, break-up, or divorce knows that the division of stuff and the attempt to set up a new household can be heart-wrenching and difficult. We might be trying to make a new, comfortable home on a fraction of the income; we might have lost some of our favorite items and possessions in the break-up. For those who have been through the death of a spouse or partner, there may be additional attachments (or detachments) from items. One of the tasks of a single parent is to re-build a life and rearrange his or her attachment, appreciation, and acquisition of stuff–furnishings, clothes, property–you name it. This can be a long, winding journey…
My own experience with “stuff” and ownership as a single parent has been fairly typical, I think. Since I was married so young (19)–virtually all of my major household and “life” purchases had been joint until I was in my early thirties–from cars and houses, to seemingly little things like couches and dining room tables. The first and most poignant purchase I made in the midst of my divorce was to buy myself a new bed–Queen-sized mattress, box springs, frame, etc.–the whole thing. There was a sense of urgency and importance and a great sense that I had accomplished something once I’d made the purchase and the bed had been delivered and assembled.
Other single parents talk about working and saving to buy a house on their own, open their first personal checking account, buying that solo car. Just this past week, I bought a new dining room table. My current ragged table has been one of the last vestiges left over from the “old version” of my life. It took me over a year to find one I liked that had the quality I wanted (to last for the rest of my life) and a price I could afford. But, once I had accomplished the purchase, I realized that it felt so marvelously symbolic–the dining table being such a central and well-used piece in my family. As my kids are growing and my family is changing, and I am securely, happily comfortable in the way my single parent family has evolved–the pride of purchasing and owning a dining table of my own choosing (with some kid input, of course) just reminded me once again how much I have made my life my own over the past several years. I really think there is nothing like the pride of ownership and individuality that can be experienced by a single parent!
Also: Gather What You Need to Make Your Own Decisions
Making the Touch Decisions and Choices on Your Own