My daughter is the queen of separation anxiety. As a baby, she needed to be close to my body at all times. As a toddler, she screamed when I left the room. So when she happily left me to go to preschool at three years old, I was amazed. I figured that all of that effort in her first two years had paid off: I had a secure and confident three-year-old who was now an independent soul. That is, until she turned four.
This year, preschool is a different story. I’m not supposed to leave. And when I go to work, well, then she is somewhat happy to stay with her grandparents, but she’d prefer to be with me. When I go out at night, which is rare, she won’t go to sleep until I get home. While all of this attention is somewhat flattering, I wonder at the disappearance of my confident three-year-old. What has changed?
What has changed is that she has developed a new understanding of the world. She’s becoming increasingly aware that other people have thoughts and feelings and that some of those thoughts and feelings are about her. She’s developing empathy. All of these new social understandings make her more nervous in groups.
What are we doing about it? Well, I’m trying to take it easy. The more I push her to be independent, the more nervous she gets. So I’m staying at preschool until she’s comfortable having me leave, and I’m letting her stay up late when I go out. Like everything in parenting, I figure that this will pass eventually, with a gentle nudge.
Do you have a four-year-old who has become anxious about separation once again? Do you push your child to be more independent? Do you stay for a while to support your child, with the risk that this could become the new normal?