Most of the time, when people enter into a marriage, they have no idea what they are in for. They focus so much energy on the ceremony itself or the idea of being married that they forget about actually being prepared for the marriage itself. Months or years later, things can change and start to break down. Fortunately, with the proper marriage tools, repairs can be made.
So what are the basic tools of marriage? Well, love, certainly. Love is the bond that brings you together and can hold you together. When things get tough, you can rely on that to give you the motivation to work it all out.
Patience is another tool. You can’t have an “instamatic” marriage. Problems can take time to resolve, people can need time to alter behavior or to be understood. Being patient with your partner or yourself can also mean that you don’t jump into conflicts.
Use the tool of kindness often. It amazes me to see people who treat their spouses worse than they would treat a stranger. Many cruel things are often said for the purpose of winning an argument or hurting the other person because you yourself are hurt, Instead approach everything with kindness, especially in difficult moments.
Consideration is a tool that is close to kindness. Be considerate of the most precious person on this earth to you. Little considerations such as filling the car with gas, making an extra sandwich or giving your spouse control of the remote will go a long way to show your love. Larger acts of consideration should be taken out in tough times, such as putting your spouse’s needs above your own.
Communication we hear so much about, but we often don’t practice it enough. Don’t assume that you know what your spouse is thinking or feeling. You might be way off. Express yourself (nicely) and encourage your spouse to do the same. Put down the Blackberry, the computer or the TV remote and really listen to what your spouse is saying. This way you can avoid saying “I had no idea!” when it is too late.
What other tools should marriages have?
Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.
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