Have you ever heard of John Watson?
He was a leading psychologist in the 1920s, who used to dole out child rearing advice, such as: “Never kiss and hug (children); never let them sit on your lap,” lest you spoil them.
Basically, Watson believed that children should be treated as pint-sized adults, and parents, who provided too much love and affection, were doing their kids a grave disservice.
Fast-forward to 2012 and Watson wouldn’t last a second on the talk show circuit hawking his child rearing advice books. Rather, he’d likely be skewered online by the Momosphere and smothered by other parents who believe the key to raising healthy kids is to expose them to an unlimited amount of hugs, kisses, and structure.
The latter has worked its way into the fray thanks to research conducted by post-Watson child psychologists. Modern day childhood behavior experts maintain that providing kids with structure is one of the best ways to keep the peace between parent and child.
While there are several ways to infuse structure into your youngster’s life, I’ve found three that have worked exceptionally well in our family.
Communicate: If you are a hypercommunicator (like me), then put your super powers to good use by talking to your young kids about daily plans. Keeping kids in the loop will help avoid meltdowns. For example, at breakfast you can inform your toddler that you are going to the store to buy food for dinner, getting the car washed, and then returning home for lunch. The more you talk about what’s happening with your child, the more likely she’ll be to accept the structure without retaliating.
Don’t Negotiate: If you’ve already communicated to your child that you are going to the mall together, but “today is for looking, not a buying,” then stick to your guns. You will lose credibility if you negotiate or give in, even if it’s just a pack of gum that your kid is begging you for. Instead of giving in, suggest to your child that he remind you about it again on a day when you are at the mall to buy things and not just look at them.
Always Follow Through: This is one I still struggle with, but am inching closer to mastering. Learning not to make statements you can’t follow through on will be a major game changer in your life as a parent. It’s so easy to get caught up in the moment and holler out a random threat. However, if you let loose with: “If you hit your brother one more time we’re leaving the park,” then you’d better be prepared to scoop up your unruly kid, place him in the van and head home. Bottom line: Only make a statement that you are willing to act on.
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