When I was a kid, my dad used to say: “How many times do you have to be told?” or some such version to my siblings and I. It was usually about things like leaving the back door open and letting the flies in the house or leaving our bikes in the driveway. Over the years, I’ve come to understand that the biggest lessons in life (and some of the “smaller” ones too) often require experiencing them more than once before the lessons “stick.”
I have a quotation tucked into the mirror on my jewelry box that came from a contemporary writer/philosopher named Thomas Moore. I’m not sure which one of his many books it came from as I own a few of his writings, but the simple quote is: “The soul never learns.” The idea being that we are often called upon to learn and relearn many of life’s most poignant lessons. A friend of mine has a joke she says about the same thing, she says: “It’s one of those lessons that feels strangely familiar!” Each experience takes us deeper and deeper and adds layers to our complex personalities and understanding of life.
As a parent, I remind myself that repetition is part of the process and work to not pressure my kids to “learn things right the first time” as my dad used to say. Some of life’s lessons are far bigger than just getting one chance to get it right. I think back on my kids learning to talk and walk and read and all those physical accomplishments that took practice and I can better grasp why life’s other lessons are also opportunities for practice.
There are so many versions and nuances of some of the biggest and most complicated lessons–love, fear, honesty, integrity, relationships, grief, loss, death–there are so many really big issues for our kids to experience over and over again. I certainly can’t expect them to get it right the first time, when I’m still learning myself!