With three teens and a single parent, we definitely have our share of romantic episodes around here. I realized the other night when one of my kids was dealing with a break up of sorts that there are some areas where I still have some credibility with my children–one is in the world of romance, dating and broken hearts. I think the fact that I married young (19) and was married for many years (16) and have been through a divorce, dated, and been single, gives me enough visible life experience that this is one area where my kids DO NOT think I am out of touch. I certainly don’t feel out of touch…
I am of the opinion that relationships, connections and matters of the heart are messy–it is not something that can be “achieved” like a promotion or a degree. Because I have been through so much and continue working on myself, my personal life and the soul work of relationships, it can sometimes be tough to watch my own kids just getting started on life’s romantic lessons. I think I thought I would have learned everything by now and be settled into a nice, secure, “accomplished” place–but, since I’m not, I can appreciate how it makes me empathetic and available as my teenage kids begin building their own life experiences.
While I may not be June Cleaver (who really is?), I do take my role as a mother and as a role model for my kids seriously–not just in the good and flush times, but in the painful, rough, and bumpy times too. I think with teenagers, a great deal can be done when a parent shows empathy and maintains credibility than by lectures or advice. After all, we really are on this journey of life together.
So, I know that my kids know that I “get” what it’s like to go through a painful breakup, the awkwardness of meeting people, the risk of being vulnerable, the give-and-take of building a relationship, intimacy, distance, and the myriad other nuances that are involved in messy human relationships. They also see that I am good when I’m alone too and willing to wait for someone who I can have a healthy relationship with. As my daughter said when I asked her how she was doing a couple days after her breakup: “Just like you, mom, I have my friends and I do have a life–I’ll be fine.”