We had just moved and my son was feeling lost without his next door buddy Samuel to play with every day so when Mason moved in next door I was so happy. Now my son had a boy his age that he could play with.
During the next few months my son mentioned a few times that Mason was not very nice to him at school. I just assumed it was because Mason did not play with Tyler at school but his cousins or kids from his own class instead. Then I received a call from Tyler’s teacher informing me that Mason had taken a handful of sand and thrown it in Tyler’s face while he was standing in line to go back inside from recess. Mason had thrown the sand right in front of the recess duty and was promptly marched to the principal’s office, where he expressed little remorse and could not explain his actions.
After receiving the call I arranged for a neighbor to watch my two girls and scheduled an appointment to speak to my son’s principal. She assumed that my son’s situation was a classic case of bullying. Imagine her surprise when I informed her that at home Mason and my son Tyler played together almost every day. I had not taken Tyler’s previous mentions of bullying seriously because I couldn’t imagine that Mason could treat him so badly at school and then be friends outside of school. I was wrong.
The principal and I discussed the possible reasons that Mason could be mistreating Tyler at school. It came down to group dynamics. At school Mason teamed up with his cousin and that’s when the bullying began. Mason could not explain why he mistreated Tyler. He said he wasn’t mad at Tyler and that Tyler hadn’t done anything to him. So why did Mason pick on Tyler? The answer is simple in that once in a group, even of two, it is easier to become a bully. Even in first grade some children want to feel better than others, more powerful, or in control. When Mason was bullying my son he felt in control and more powerful. I think he chose Tyler because he knew Tyler and also that Tyler, who always has to keep the rules, would not be mean back. The principal promised that she would be speaking to both Mason and his mother and that the school had a no bullying policy.
That day when I got home Mason came over and asked if Tyler could play. I explained that they needed to take a two-week break and if Mason could be nice to Tyler at school then he could play with him at home. Unfortunately after the sand incident Mason got in trouble again for screaming at Tyler, “I’m going to kill you,” over and over. I also reported abuse happening on the bus. Because of these incidents Mason did not get to participate in field day. I think this made Mason’s parents angry since Tyler has wanted to play with Mason but his parents won’t allow it, which is fine with me. Yet now Tyler doesn’t really have a friend to play with.
From things that Tyler has said I now realize that Mason has some obvious issues. Besides bullying Mason has often lied to Tyler telling him that: he rules his house, he beats up his mom, who works as a prison guard, he is a ninja fighter, he could easily kill Tyler, and other outrageous lies. I hope that his parents recognize that Mason has some issues that he needs to work through. In many cases parents refuse to acknowledge that their child could be a bully and instead believe that in some way the other child brought the bullying upon him or her self.
After the sand episode we told Tyler to stand up to Mason. Giving him permission to hit back if Mason hit him. This took a lot of convincing since he hates breaking the rules and “you’re not supposed to hit at school.” We bribed him with ice cream if he hit Mason back. I know, I never thought I would be bribing my child to hit someone, but as my husband pointed out the only way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them. Tyler did stand up to Mason and got his ice cream, but the bullying didn’t stop (indicative to the underlying issues). Hopefully summer break will see an end to the bullying and Tyler won’t have to face it again next year.