So often when we look from the outside in at other couple’s marriage, we can see certain elements that are not always apparent to the couple involved in the marriage. What we are seeing is the way that marriage operates or its culture.
In a lot of buinesses and sporting teams they talk about the culture of the business or of the club. In his book Transforming Company Culture, David Drennan descrivbes culture is ‘what is typical of an organisation, the habits, the prevailing attitudes, the grown-up pattern of accepted and expected behavior.’
Surely, this is equally true of a marriage. There are prevailing attitudes and acceptable and expected patterns of behavior. Yesterday I raised one of them, which was that love is giving. Over time Mary Ann and I have raised many more isues about attitudes and accepted or expected patterns of behavior that occur in successful lasting marriages.
This comment about culuture from an article by Paul Roos, coach of Sydney Swans Australian Football club, struck me. He says ‘for any organisation to have a positive culture the individuals involved have to uphold or live by those standards.’ True enough!
Given that criteria what is the culture of your marriage? Is the culture of your marriage, one of love and giving? Is it one of putting your spouse’s needs first or is it one that reflects back to others a selfish attitude?
Whether we like it or not, we are an example to others – to our children and the attitudes they will take note of and develop about marriage. We are examples of marriage also to other married couples that we know- either an example of a positive loving marriage or the other kind where selfishness and self ego dominates.
Do your friends and neighbors look at your marriage and see a relationship that works because each other loves and supports the other? Or do they see one where two people are each determined to stick up for their rights?
Looking back at your parent’s marriage, what sort of picture of marriage did you get? Did it come across as one where one person did all the giving and the other the taking or did it come across as a partnership?
Let’s try to each build a marriage on the foundation of love and support, encouragement and affirmation so that not only others but our spouse sees how important our marriage is to us.
Related blogs
What Makes for a Happy Lasting Marriage?
Your Parents Will Affect Your Marriage