The other night I stayed up late watching TV because I couldn’t sleep. I ended up tuning into a show called “The Secret Lives of Women.” Apparently the show’s a series and features insight into different aspects of women’s lives. The night I watched the topic was polygamy.
I have to admit, other than what I’ve seen from the media, I don’t know much about polygamy. I knew the concept of multiple wives sprung from religious beliefs, but I’ve never understood why any woman would sign up for that type of marriage. (Unless if she was forced into it, like some women are.)
But that’s not the case in all polygamous situations. I got a better understanding of that while watching the show.
The show included points of view from four women. (At least. There were four main ones they kept interviewing, but dispersed throughout was commentary from others.)
One was a first wife, two more were plural or sister-wives, and the other was a young, unmarried woman of 18 who’d been raised in a faith which practiced polygamy, whose mother was a plural wife, but who was not going to follow suit.
That’s another thing I learned. I never knew the wives referred to each other as plural, or sister, wives. And in many respects, from what they showed of the women interviewed, the wives did act more like sisters.
It was really interesting to see the dynamic in play. Because they showed their lives in action. It wasn’t just a matter of them sitting around being interviewed in a studio. The cameras were in the houses with them while they cooked, reared the children, and even prayed.)
Sure, the wives admitted that disagreements and arguments happened. Yes, they did deal with jealousy issues, but interestingly it wasn’t for the reasons I’d suspect. They were just as likely to be jealous of each other’s kids for various reasons as they were of the time the husband spent with one wife or the other.
But that’s what caught me off guard the most. They truly viewed it as a “more the merrier” kind of deal.
In some cases the other wives were consulted before the man married again to make sure the sister-wife would be a good fit. In fact, one woman was invited to share in her blood-sister’s marriage after her marriage ended in divorce. And they loved the arrangement. They all lived together in the same house, shared responsibilities, and helped raise all the kids as one.
It was a very different mindset, but I came away thinking, “Who am I to think their way is screwy? It’s actually quite tender. They’re all fiercely devoted to each other and being the best family possible. That’s what most of us want anyway. They just have a different way of going about trying to make it happen.”
Another thing that was touching was how hard it was for the women to talk about their marriages. They were well aware that most people consider them freaks. But I was glad they shared. I learned a lot about where they’re coming from, and came away thinking they all seem to share beautiful marriages really.
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