Yesterday we had a look at the Remorse stage in the Cycle of Violence. 
Today we move onto Buyback.
Buyback is the behavioural stage where the perpetrator of violence showers the victim with promises, gifts and love. It is a process of buying back favors, a way of saying, “I’m sorry. Forgive me.” While this sounds nice, it is a manipulative ploy. It is no more than a stage in the Cycle of Violence that will lead to further violence.
Buyback often offers bunches of flowers, bottles of wine, inspirational cards of love, or promises of going to counseling. The compelling and meaningfully sounding words work on us. They pull at our heartstrings and act to soften any convictions or thoughts about ending the relationship to keep us all safe. The exceptionally attentive behaviors that perpetrators honor you with give you the hope for the future that you wanted. Perpetrators will use what ever they can to buy you back and to keep you hooked into their unending cycle of abuse. Their words, attention and gifts are wooden – not real, but rather an intentional plan of acting sorry.
Women usually love buyback because they get to hear and experience good things. None of us starts a relationship because we yearn for violence. We want, we need, good relationships. When we experience buyback, we trick ourselves into thinking, “see, I knew this was a good relationship!” Do not be fooled! If you have already experienced explosion and remorse, the buyback is merely the next stage of ensuring you stay trapped.
The buyback gifts are a design to make it more difficult for you to leave and escape the violence. When the victim is fooled first time around, the perpetrator learns that the victim can be fooled repeatedly. Next time he doesn’t have to work so hard at buying you back. He relies of your memory of knowing he can change and that he loves you perfectly at times: despite his acts of abuse against you.
Be warned! Every time the Cycle of Violence completes itself, it gets faster and faster. The stages become shorter in duration. If Buyback lasts for 2 months this time round, it may only last for one month next time.
Tomorrow we’ll look at the Honeymoon stage of the Cycle of Violence.
What sort of things have you received during Buyback? The pretend gifts and promises can look quiet different depending on culture, financial status and personalities. If you share the tricks that you have experienced you may just help another person recognize what’s happening to them.