Yesterday Jade sent me an email with this enticing subject line: “Speak now or forever hold your peace.” At first I thought she was sending me some info about people wanting to get married who wouldn’t be able to for very much longer for one reason or another. Maybe because a popular marriage destination was closing or something. (Not that I know of anything like that happening anywhere. That’s just the conclusion I jumped to.)
But, oh no, it was nothing innocuous like that. It was a link to Yahoo! News and a Dear Abby column posted there on Sunday September 28. It was the saddest, yet most sincere, Dear Abby letter I’ve ever read.
The letter sender signed off as “Too Late in Tennessee.” Mr. Too Late explained how his wife had recently died after suffering a long illness. When she reached the point in her illness where she couldn’t work anymore, he worked harder than ever because he was trying to give her everything she needed while trying to keep the mounting medical bills in check.
And that’s why he was writing to Dear Abby. The regret of not giving her more of himself, of losing all that time he could have spent with her in her final days instead of spending all that time at work, was filling him with more guilt and heartbreak than he could bear.
He wanted Dear Abby to share his story to remind all the “macho men” out there that no matter how hard it is for you to say “I love you,” it’s much better to suffer that discomfort than wishing you had the chance and didn’t say it more.
I realized, too late, that it’s not enough that my wife “knew” I loved her. I should have told her more often. I know now that “I wish I would have,” “I know I should have,” and “If I had just one more chance” are the worst things in the world to hear yourself say when it is already too late. ~-From Too Late in Tennessee letter to Dear Abby, Sun. 9/28/08-~
Dear Abby tried to reassure him that his wife probably knew anyway, without having to hear him say it, how much he loved her. And that she probably understood why he had worked so hard like he had.
She might have, but that’s little comfort to Mr. Too Late who will probably always believe he could have made his love just a little more obvious.
So far this week Dale and I, as we’re prone to do, have focused on appreciating our husbands while touting the importance of doing so. But I do believe Dear Abby, in the way she’s famous for, summed it up best when she said:
Readers, this gentleman’s letter carries with it an important message. “I love you” is the sweetest music a person can hear. Bouquets of flowers smell the sweetest when they are in the hands of the recipient, not stacked by her (or his) casket. And praise is most appreciated when it can be heard by the person who has earned it, not when it’s recited in a eulogy after he or she has passed. So speak up now, before it truly is too late.
Amen to that, sister!
Courtney Mroch writes about animals great and small in Pets and the harmony and strife that encompasses married life in Marriage. For a full listing of her articles click here.
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