You are out with your child having a great time window shopping. You pass by a lovely toy store with many colorful and creative items that call your child’s attention. Your child asks to go in and see the wonder and experience the imagination he will surely find in the aisles of the store. Having some extra time on your hands you decide to comply. You walk up and down the aisles when your child sees a model airplane he must have. Seeing the price tag you have to decline but say perhaps he will get it for Christmas. Your child immediately cries and fusses at your response. He continually whines and pleads for you to change your mind. He grows angrier as you deny him and stomps his feet.
You just finished dinner and your child asks if he can have ice cream. Since he had a treat earlier you decline his request. He bursts into tears, stomps his feet and yells that you are being unfair. Your attempts to calm him result in more tears and stomping.
The scenarios above are descriptions of a defiant tantrum. This is the tantrum a child wields to manipulate you and bend you to their will. You cannot under any circumstance give in to a defiant tantrum. Yes, under any circumstances! Once you give in it will become a cycle. You are not part of this outburst this is a one preschooler show and he needs to know that. Starve the tantrums energy by staying calm, indifferent, and if possible completely ignoring it. Your job is to train your child proper behavior and coping skills. Your job is not to end a tantrum. If you are in public you must react indifferently, hold your ground, and continue to shop. If the tantrum is disturbing to others then remove your child and promptly discipline him. Your child needs to understand that negative behavior never works to his advantage.