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The Death of Family Dinners

My daughter spent the day with her best friend M last week. The two girls are inseparable, which is why I wasn’t surprised when M’s mom called to ask if my daughter could stay for dinner. I agreed and we set up a pick up time for later that evening.

I ended up getting to M’s house early and was concerned that I would be interrupting dinner (or at least clean up time), but to my surprise as soon as I got out of my car the girls came barreling toward me to show off their freshly painted nails.

M’s mom came out too and I shared my concern about arriving too early and potentially disrupting their meal.

“Oh no,” she replied. “We don’t do family dinners. The kids eat separately, and they finished a long time ago.”

“Oh… good,” was all I could think of to say.

And by good I didn’t mean great.

Frankly, I was a bit shocked. I know that family dinners have gone by the wayside in the last two decades, but M’s dad gets off of work at 4 p.m. each day and loves to cook for his four girls.

What I didn’t realize is that the M and her sisters don’t always like to eat what mommy and daddy enjoy dining on, therefore daddy makes one meal for the little girls and later that night he and M’s mom share a quiet meal together.

Whatever works, right?

M’s parents have (by all accounts) a great marriage and their girls are perfectly happy, so apparently not sharing dinner together hasn’t done that much harm.

Or has it?

Childhood experts maintain that family dinners are among the most important ties that bond loving clans. According to studies when families eat together, the children have better academic scores. What’s more, gathering around a single table to break bread provides an opportunity to share personal news and hear about each other’s days. It improves communication skills, and according to experts, it shows kids that their thoughts and feelings matter.

In our home family dinner is mandatory. I cook. We eat. I do the dishes. It’s tradition… or more accurately, it’s automatic… or a routine that is not likely to end anytime soon.

I was raised by conservative parents in the 1970s, and believe me there was no excuse good enough to skip family dinners. The six of us sat together whether we liked it or not and ate the same meal (no making separate entrees and side dishes to accommodate the likes and dislikes of individual children) at the same time, in the same designated chairs, and we took turns speaking when we didn’t have food in our mouths.

Today, there are many families who don’t share the same food, let alone sit at the same table (or in the same room) at dinnertime.

If you have kids, then you know sometimes calm dinners are almost an oxymoron. Too many tears, more food on the floor than on plates, screaming, yelling, complaints about eating unwanted carrots…

Does it simply take too much effort to coordinate family dinners these days?

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This entry was posted in Home and Family (See Also Home Blog) and tagged , , , by Michele Cheplic. Bookmark the permalink.

About Michele Cheplic

Michele Cheplic was born and raised in Hilo, Hawaii, but now lives in Wisconsin. Michele graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Madison with a degree in Journalism. She spent the next ten years as a television anchor and reporter at various stations throughout the country (from the CBS affiliate in Honolulu to the NBC affiliate in Green Bay). She has won numerous honors including an Emmy Award and multiple Edward R. Murrow awards honoring outstanding achievements in broadcast journalism. In addition, she has received awards from the Aircraft Owners and Pilots Association for her reports on air travel and the Wisconsin Education Association Council for her stories on education. Michele has since left television to concentrate on being a mom and freelance writer.