Recently I heard Rabbi Shmuley Boteach from the new show “Shalom in the Home” say that “Parents must be very energetic for their children” This really resonated with me because I know that after a full day of work then fixing dinner, cleaning up, helping with homework and all of the other responsibilities that I have as a single parent, that I do not have much energy left to play or spend quality time with my children. This lifestyle can be very draining emotionally, physically and spiritually.
One helpful idea that can help you to see where you are at with your energy level is to measure how certain activities reduce and or add energy to you. You can create an energy bank chart that was adapted from the book “Just Me and the Kids” by Patricia Brandt and Dave Jackson. Think of this as a sort of bank account where you have deposits and withdrawals in your energy levels and honestly evaluate where you are at for each category.
Take a lined piece of paper and draw ten lines down the page to create a chart. Make the first and sixth column bigger than the rest. In the first row write- “How much I get out of doing it. Deposit (+)”, in the same row label the next four columns with the numbers 3,2,1,0 consecutively. In the sixth space write- “How much it takes out of me. Withdrawal (-)” and write the same 3,2,1,0 numbers to head each column. Now underneath the first column write down some of your regular activities such as:
Going to work
Playing with the children
Helping with homework
Going out with friends
Settling fights
Exercising
Paying the bills
Cleaning house
Going to Church
Being strong for the family
Participating in a hobby
Tailor the list to fit your lifestyle. Perhaps you want to also put something like “Caring for a pet”. In the last two rows under the activities write “Subtotals” on one line and then “Overall Total” below subtotals.
Now honestly evaluate each activity by placing a check in the corresponding number column for each activity. Many activities will have both deposits and withdrawals. You may see that for you going to work is a large withdrawal and check off # 3, but if you think about it, going to work provides a paycheck so that you can feed your family and provide shelter, so you may also want to check off #2 on the deposit side.
To calculate the subtotals, count the number of checks in each column then multiply by the value of the column. Example- I have 3 checks in the #2 column on the deposit side. The subtotal for that column will be 6 (3 X 2=6). Now add up all of your deposits, then add up all of your withdrawals. Compare the total of your deposit and the total of the withdrawal column. Where do you stand? Are your overall deposits more than your withdrawals or vice versa?
This is just one tool to help you see what activities give and drain energy. The idea is to use it to see where you are at in order to try to achieve a more balanced lifestyle. Resist the urge to attempt being a super parent, you may find your energy levels much lower, and become resentful when things do not work out like you think they are supposed to. There is no shame in occasionally putting in a video and watching it with the kids when you have had an especially draining day. On the other hand when you have had a day with more deposits than withdrawals, plan to take the children to a park, zoo or other favorite activity. If one activity is constantly draining with little or no deposit into your account, try to make positive changes in that category to achieve a higher level of balance.
Remember that life will not always be as hectic and to enjoy your little ones at each and every stage of their lives.