There was a time in my marriage when I thought the grass was greener on the other side. Those were probably some of the most difficult moments in my marriage. I was disillusioned and he was disappointing to me.
I had expectations and when they weren’t met, I thought someone else could better meet them. This happened at different points in my marriage. Each time I allowed myself to think the grass was greener on the other side—whether there was a literal person I was thinking of or just the “idea” of a person—it caused greater distance between my husband and I.
At one point, probably around the 10 year mark of our marriage, I finally came to recognize one major source of my problem. I was a Lifetime Movie Network junkie. If you get satellite or cable, you might know which channel I am talking about. These movies are geared toward women.
I was constantly watching movies where marriage was portrayed the wrong way, including adultery. There was always some guy who came along and talked the right way. He did the right ways and he swept the woman off her feet.
What I had been allowing to seep into my heart was false expectations. I was looking at the world of what was really fantasy and trying to conform it to real world. That just doesn’t work.
Quitting cold turkey was very difficult for me. I craved the feelings that got stirred up inside me whenever I watched one of those movies. It took a lot of effort to get to the point where I literally went several years not watching that channel.
About two years ago I finally felt like I was free enough—free enough to value my marriage and see that the grass was green enough on my side—to watch some of the movies on Lifetime. However, to this day I will never watch anything that glorifies adultery. In fact, the only movies I watch are true stories, docudramas.
There can be all sorts of reasons that we are led to believe the grass is greener on the other side. But the reality is that no matter whom you spend time with, faults will arise. There will always be something that nags at you or disappointments you.
If you have allowed something to come into your marriage that isn’t healthy (whether it’s movies, books or something else), you might want to consider giving it up. Now that I have made it to the 20 year mark in my marriage, I can say that truly, the grass is green enough on this side, thank you.
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