Contrary to the stories, concerns and fears you might have read about online, most of the kids adopted through the state that I personally know about are genuinely well adjusted and happy. Many potential adoptive parents become scared off after reading an adoption forum site or watching television. Before becoming resistant to state adoption, there are a few things I’d like you to know:
1. Adoption forum sites typically have posts by parents seeking support and information rather than raving about their wonderful and beautiful children. In other words, people with happy and normal lives don’t always sit and talk about them online.
2. Out-of-the-norm seems to make for “better” TV. People appear more likely to tune into a TV story about a chaotic adoption situation over a typical one. Granted, even the “typical” adoption situations tend to have clouds before silver linings whether from the adoption process itself, or fertility struggles prior.
3. Children in the system usually come from backgrounds of abuse or neglect, but with the right support, most of the children I’ve seen tend to get better overall. Not to say there aren’t often lingering issues. It’s amazing what consistency, commitment, and caring can do for a child.
4. Though some children were exposed prenatal to drugs or alcohol, not all will show serious effects. In fact many of the issues aren’t much different than quirky behaviors displayed in any other kid. Children with drug or alcohol effects sometimes have issues with cause and effect or ADD. Often times these kids are intelligent, happy and successful in their own way.
5. Adopting a child privately, internationally, or by giving birth is not necessarily less risky than adopting though the state. None of us are guaranteed perfect children! Children adopted internationally often have similar issues to those adopted in the states. Children adopted privately as babies or birthed biologically still have risks. The difference with state adoptions is, it’s more likely concerns about issues pertaining to the child are documented.
6. If you’ve browsed the internet for waiting children, you’ve probably seen sites that show older and special needs children with summaries. Please know, most often these children are the ones waiting the longest. These are NOT all the children that are available! Most states keep the bulk of waiting children bulletins within the office branches for the families that are currently certified and ready.
I will not tell you that children adopted through the state don’t have issues. Most of the time there is something to deal with. I would really like to dispel misconceptions that these children are all “damaged goods”. I suggest parents prepare for the worst and hope for the best. There are lots of good books out there on adoption, specifically special needs adoptions that I encourage you to read.
Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog