It’s no secret that men and women communicate differently. This applies to their intimate needs just as it does to every other aspect of their lives. Are you and your spouse communicating openly about your desires?
A husband may tell his wife she looks beautiful, and to him, that’s a sexual overture. When she replies with, “Thanks, honey,” but doesn’t follow up with additional romantic actions, he feels as though he’s been rejected. She didn’t mean to reject him – she thought she was accepting a compliment.
Perhaps she curls up next to him at night and puts her arm around him. He may translate that as, “She’s cold” or “she wants me to wake up and talk about the finances, so I’m going to pretend to be asleep.” He might not understand her desire, and so when she feels unwanted, he’ll have no idea what she’s talking about.
All too often, the hints we try to give each other go unheeded. This is especially true if children are in the room, and one or the other spouse is trying to convey their desire for intimate time by dropping hints. Unless the other spouse is a really good mind-reader, the message may never get across.
So, what to do?
First, sit down with your spouse and talk it over. Ask them, “Do you ever feel like I’m rejecting you?” You may be surprised at how often they feel they aren’t being heard. Share your feelings with them, and discuss how often each of you desire physical intimacy.
Next, talk about how you would like to be approached. A hint, a passionate kiss, flat-out saying it? If you have children, is there a code word you could use – “Honey, we’re out of lettuce.” Of course, if you really are out of lettuce, that code word might not work so well.
If you feel that your spouse is ignoring your requests for intimacy, don’t automatically assume something’s wrong with your marriage. Maybe you just need to communicate more clearly, and when your loved one understands what you were telling him or her, things will be very different.
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