After Lola signed a relinquishment of parental rights, it was time to schedule a goodbye visit. I was not looking forward to it because she was in bad shape for the one before. CPS accommodated me by scheduling it in the middle of the day so I would not have to fight rush hour traffic. At best, it is an hour drive each way to get to their main offices for me.
I was there on time and Lola was about fifteen minutes late. In her defense, she had to travel there by bus and change bus routes twice. I was pleasantly surprised that she seemed to be doing just fine and that she didn’t bring any guests. We were shown to a conference room which was a little disappointing in that there was nothing for the baby to play with.
The state social worker, who had become a friend, was there long enough to introduce me to the lady who was taking over Isaiah’s file. My friend had decided that there was no future in working for the state and enrolled in law school. The new worker was not very impressive, but that didn’t worry me since we would be transferred to a pre-adoption worker very soon.
Isaiah crawled around on the floor and Lola crawled with him. Her only contact with him ever had been our visits. She had missed the last four visits, so she had not seen him in three months or so.
This time, there were no tears or emotions at all. She was just going through the motions of completing the meeting. I tried to imagine what I would feel if I were never to see one of my children again. It was not something that I wanted to think about for very long. I think that the simple explanation for her demeanor was that she was totally unable to bond with her own child.
In my mind, Lola is a very tragic figure. I have to admit that I am relieved that I do not have to see her anymore.