For many single parent families—whether formed by choice, separation, divorce, or death—figuring out what to do about the last names of the children and the parent is a bit of a problem. If there is a re-marriage then the last name issue comes to the forefront again. Even though we now have increasing flexibility when it comes to what is considered “standard” and “acceptable” regarding last names, it still takes some thought and consideration for many single parent families.
When I went through my divorce, I kept the last name I’d added during my marriage for ease. I definitely wrestled with it a bit since I was eager to throw off the “old” and it had never really felt like a good fit anyway. But, my children were young and I thought it would be easier for everyone if we all had the same last name. Now that my children are nearly grown, I have started to consider changing my last name. They no longer really care and since I have been using two last names for so long it would be quite easy to make the switch. We’ll see if I actually get around to doing all the paperwork required, but that is MY story of the whole “last name” thing.
If I were to have another child, I’d have to make decisions about the last name based on where my family is now and that could get even more complicated. For families where the parents are never married, there is the birth certificate to contend with. Do you list the father’s name on the birth certificate? What name do you give the child? How difficult is it to get it changed later?
I don’t know if it makes things more complicated for kids in school or not if their last names don’t match their parents. I’ve heard stories from both sides of this issue—some saying it was never really a factor and others saying that it did create confusion. Since I chose to stay with the “matching” name theory, I cannot offer personal anecdote. I think that we each have to evaluate our own situation and circumstances and make the best choice we can—knowing full well that we may need to change things again later down the line.
Also: Making the Tough Decisions and Choices–On Your Own
Sometimes Its All About Survival