When it comes to spending time with your spouse, what can we learn from the various relationships portrayed on primetime television? My viewpoint is going to be rather limited because despite the fact that I enjoy television – there’s only a limited number of shows that I actually watch. However, as evening television shows goes – there are two shows that give a positive, if quirky, viewpoint on marriage that I have enjoyed watching in the last few years.
Gilmore Girls
The premise of Gilmore is that Lorelei Gilmore got pregnant at 16 years old, her parents pressed her to marry the father of her child, but she resisted marriage just because she was pregnant. Over the years, Lorelei has had various relationships as well as having been engaged twice – but she summed up her viewpoints in a skewed episode towards the end of the most recent season: her parents. She didn’t understand how two people who did not communicate well could maintain their marriage for over 40 years.
The challenge of Richard and Emily Gilmore is demonstrated beautifully in this show. We have witnessed disagreements, arguments and even a temporary separation that drove both partners a little crazy. What makes Emily and Richard Gilmore work was summed up in a statement beautifully delivered by Edward Hermann’s character Richard:
”Of course it’s ridiculous, and you may not understand it and I may not understand it – but what is important to my wife is important to me. Her world is her world and she respects what is important to me and I respect what is important to her.”
What may be important to one person in a marriage, may not be especially important to the other person – these are not issues that should create contentiousness but instead alliance. When you ally with your spouse over issues that are profoundly important to them – you bank positive emotions and support. Your spouse will feel and legitimately so, that their concerns are important.
Smallville
Yes, Smallville is about a young Clark Kent coming into his superpowers and has a certain soapy aspect in his on-again/off-again relationship with Lana – however the focus I want to point out is on the marriage of Martha and Jonathon Kent. This is a couple that has harbored and protected a secret that involves their adopted son for years. They shielded him and their family by keeping the bubble of safety around them.
Their community involvement remained high, but they kept the boundaries around their family clearly defined and resisted any blurring of these lines. It’s also important to note that Jonathon and Martha did not agree on everything and there were several moments where Martha’s independence made Jonathon a little crazy – but these people did not keep their resentments sheltered away in secrecy. They talked about it, openly and they were not afraid to yell at each other.
The ability to indulge in healthy debate while at the same time keeping the circled boundary around their identity as a couple and as a family clearly defined is important to a marriage. Married couples should make sure that while they may not be protecting a secret as great as the Kents, but insulating your marriage and keeping the bubble around it is a positive aspect of marriages. There should be a defined boundary between your relationship and the rest of the world –
What positive tools for marriage have you learned from television?