Diplomacy is such a delicate, careful, deliberate way of interacting with other people—whether it is our children, teachers, coworkers, partners or whoever, it seems that the focus in recent years has been on assertiveness and cooperation—not diplomacy. Diplomacy being something that takes a bit more care and cooperation that it doesn’t seem to fit in our busy, bulldozing life of purpose and tasks…
Diplomacy is really the process of finding a morsel of agreement or place from which two oppositional ideas or parties can agree. From here, we are able to build on that tiny morsel of agreement or mutual goals/focus and negotiate our way through some very different opinions or seemingly opposing viewpoints. I think diplomacy is one of the lost arts of parenting. Whether we call it negotiating or coming to a mutual understanding, diplomacy definitely has a place in the parent’s toolbox.
The fact is, it often seems as though we are coming at things from oppositional viewpoints when dealing with our kids, our partners, our kids’ teachers, our neighbors or other individuals who seem to stand in the way of our accomplishing what we want to or doing what we think needs to be done. However, if we are able to find a place where we agree—a mutual goal, a shared value, or even just admit that we are coming at things from different places—we can then use diplomacy to start to build communication and work toward negotiating agreements.
As our kids get older, issuing directives seems to be less and less productive. They balk and we try to stand our ground and assert our authority. Power struggles result and we end up in lose/lose situations. Whereas if we are able to employ some our diplomacy skills, we may very well be able to stop power struggles before they get started and find a way to keep the lines of communication open and our relationships moving forward.
See Also: Help Your Child Be More Cooperative and Who’s the Boss at Your House?