Everyone knows the magic words. We all grew up hearing “What’s the magic word?” We knew that if we said “please” or “thank you” then the magic we wanted would occur. It became routine. When first teaching manners it becomes routine because children do not understand the value. Yet, teaching from a young age is best to develop well mannered young people. Sadly, over time the magic words become ritual words hardly thought about and only murmured as payment for a want. The problem with magic words is not only do they become mundane but just saying “please” does not always get you what you want. When the magic word does not work then a child feels rejected or like a magician unable to pull a rabbit out of his hat. How do we combat this?
First, explain why it is important to be polite. Let your child know that “please” lets the person know you do not assume you can just take something. Saying “you’re welcome” shows you are grateful for the help, the item, and that you are happy they are sharing with you. Saying “thank you” lets someone know you have the right heart attitude about what they did for you or gave you.
Second, each time your child forgets to say the “magic word” instruct him go back and say it properly. Explain kindly and lovingly why we use our manners. Ask your child if he is grateful for his friend sharing or for the ice cream you allowed him to have. Smile and make sure the attitude is kind hearted to emphasize to the child that manners are a positive thing we do out of respect not a burden or a hoop to jump through.
Thirdly, let your child know that “magic words” are not magical permission. Magic words make people magically feel respected. The power is in the feeling the other person receives from a mannerly child.