So, yeah, Snooki’s mini meatball is here.
Stop the presses!
And by presses, I mean actual news media, which should be warning people about a massive hurricane that’s taking aim at a very vulnerable part of the United States, but instead, is wasting time, money and life-sustaining oxygen chatting about a reality TV star giving birth to a baby boy.
And not just any reality TV star, a sex-crazed, fist-pumping, potty-mouthed MTV celeb best known for her displays of public drunkenness, debauchery, and string of douche bags boyfriends.
Did I mention she’s a mom now?
“Jersey Shore” star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is the newest member of Club Mom thanks to the six-pound, five-ounce son she pushed out of her womb early Sunday morning.
“The world just got another Guido!!!” Snooki’s rep told MTV, the network that broadcast the heck out of the new mom’s wild pre-baby life.
Apparently, Snooki’s a changed woman since spawning with baby daddy/ fiance, Jionni LaValle and creating the life now known as Lorenzo Dominic LaValle.
Baby Lorenzo (or Enzo, according to MTV) is a pint-sized Italian Stallion per his mama’s Twitter feed.
“I am SO IN LOVE with my son Lorenzo Dominic!” Snooki tweeted Sunday morning.
Her proclamation of parental pride was followed by a large heart icon and some unicorns flying over a rainbow with baskets full of puppies on their backs.
Okay, it was just the heart, but I’m sure the unicorns will make an appearance in future tweets or at least until Snooki gets home and discovers that tending to a newborn isn’t always rainbows and puppy dogs.
Interestingly, in the hours before she gave birth, Twitter was set ablaze with a flurry of posts that made you wonder why Snooki’s impending induction into the sorority of motherhood was a newsworthy event.
“Take a moment to appreciate how beautiful this world is right this moment, because Snooki is in labor,” wrote a poster with the handle Suri’s Burn Book. “It’s all downhill from here.”
Roll, little meatball, roll.