Earlier this week I talked about the pain and confusion associated with experiencing an unwanted pregnancy. Equally distressing is the agony of trying to get pregnant, dreaming of a child, and month after month staring at countless negative home pregnancy tests. Some would say this pain is much worse than facing an unwanted pregnancy.
When my husband and I decided to get married, we set a date and a time, and that is when we got married. But when we decided to start a family, we quickly realized we were operating under a completely different set of rules. Even if everything is in good working order and conditions are right, you still only have a 20% chance of getting pregnant. Pregnancy is no more predictable than tomorrows lotto numbers, it seems. When it happens, you feel as though you have won the lottery, whether it’s your first, second, or third pregnancy.
Waiting to find out whether you are pregnant has to be one of the biggest emotional roller coasters for a woman. One moment you are elated at the possibility, the next you are heartbroken for what appears to be failure. You find yourself nearly falling off the edge of sanity, staring at a blank test strip as though it will suddenly change its mind. Everything out of the ordinary is carefully analyzed: every temperature, every feeling, every emotion. Waiting for the day you can be certain – the dreaded “two week wait” – feels like waiting for your birthday when you are six years old. You tell yourself it doesn’t matter whether it happens this month or next, but can we honestly hold to that sentiment?
“I might not even be disappointed with a “negative,” if only I could know today! There are days I wish I could tune out altogether and pretend it’s not even a possibility…. It’s difficult to live in the “here and now” when “then” seems to take over your thoughts.”
Every pregnancy, whether is happens after one month, one year or five years, is truly miraculous. The moment a woman finds out she is going to become a mother is treasured in her heart for a lifetime. For a woman, motherhood begins immediately, before she ever sees the flicker of the heartbeat on the ultrasound or hears her child’s first cries. The moment she sees the positive result, she is a mother.
Those of us with children should never take them for granted, for each child is a special gift. We should approach each pregnancy, however difficult, with gratitude. We should remember those who are painfully awaiting a blessing from heaven and not exclude them from our lives, even if we have children. I once read a beautiful essay written by a childless (not by choice) woman on mother’s day. She pleaded with the families who had children to invite childless couples into their homes, and also to visit them in return. I try to always remember that advice now that I am a mother.