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The Missing

Recently I’ve been working — a lot. As part of my work for my dissertation I’ve been writing a great deal over the past five weeks. I’d planned this. My family knew that I’d be working a lot and we prepared for it as best we could. It has basically meant that I’ve spent well over 90 percent of my non-sleeping hours typing on a computer (or writing in a notebook) in our basement. This has also meant, unfortunately, that I’ve missed out on a great number of fun summer activities with our son. I’ve been swimming once (but I’ve missed out a great number of times). Our son is happily visiting aunts and grandparents and uncles and cousins without me to see it. He’s going shopping, bargain hunting, and he’s helping Mom exercise, clean, cook etc. without dad around. I don’t want to over-dramatize this, as there is that last 10 percent, but it has been extremely difficult for all of us.

Having to say “bye-bye” shortly after breakfast to descend into typing world is not ideal by any means. Having to ask him, nicely, to shut the door to the basement so that daddy can go to work is often heartbreaking. It’s certainly wearing me down. Sometimes I have to bring him downstairs with me to draw for a little bit or take a quick walk outside just to keep my sanity. The family recently took a walk to a nearby park which was wonderful despite the humidity that day. While sweating is not normally something I enjoy, it was well worth the break to spend a period of time outdoors in the daylight with my family. I’ve missed it. I’m now on the final push concerning my five weeks of work. I’m looking forward to changing modes, ever so briefly, to one of the vacationing dad. One where work doesn’t happen all day, alone, in the basement. We’re all looking forward to it.