We talked yesterday about how often a toddler will act out or regress in behavior while mom is late in her pregnancy or when the new baby comes home. Today, we’ll talk about two common mistakes that you can avoid when helping your toddler adjust to a new baby.
“Fixing” Behavior
It is very, very common for toddlers to regress in behavior right before a new baby is due. Regression is most often related to either sleep issues or potty issues. In fact, it is so common that we actually deliberately waited to potty train our children until they were three although they showed some signs of readiness before they were three.
As parents, it makes sense that we need to have things ‘worked out’ before the baby comes. It no doubt makes life easier if you only have one child at a time in diapers and bedtime routines are all neat and in place. Unfortunately, it does not make sense to your toddler.
You really need to get out of the mindset that this behavior has to be ‘fixed’ before the new baby comes and approach the problem from a different angle. There are two reasons for this. First of all, in order to ‘fix’ the behavior, it is likely that you are giving too much attention to a negative behavior which only serves to encourage the negative behavior. Secondly, ‘fixing’ an unwilling toddler will not necessarily help the sibling relationship. Rather it communicates that the world now revolves around the new baby.
Trying to Do Too Much
There is tons to do to get ready for a new baby. I know for us, at some point mid-pregnancy, a new baby means that we have to rearrange a few bedrooms full of furniture. All this extra attention to making things just perfect for the new baby means that the toddler gets ignored.
You may well feel like you’re spending time with your toddler. You may well be spending time with your toddler, but just the same they might need more. The other important thing to remember is that it’s not just about your relationship with your toddler but his relationship to the new baby as well. One of the best things that I’ve ever done for my children’s relationships with each other is spend at least an hour reading on our big bean bag chair. Every afternoon, we’d all cuddle up and I really believe that’s one thing we did to help foster closeness.
So when you’re dealing with your toddler think about decreasing the attention you give for negative behaviors by dealing with them matter of factly, and increasing the positive attention you give throughout the day. Your toddler needs more right now. . .this is a bigger adjustment for him than it is for you!