My husband likes to go to bed at nine. I’m up until two. He likes to get up while it’s still dark out and go for a walk. I like to stay in bed until nine, snuggly warm in my covers. He feels most energetic around six in the morning. I feel most energetic around four in the afternoon. If you could make a chart of all the ways in which we are exactly opposite, it would be quite the sizeable chart. Good thing opposites attract, huh?
In talking with other couples, I’m learning that this isn’t so unusual. Human beings all seem to be geared either to the morning or the night, and we do tend to marry someone who is opposite from us in that regard. It’s funny, though – some nights when I’ve been up a little later and he gets up a little earlier, we’ll catch each other coming and going, or we’ll end up being in bed at the same time for only half an hour or so.
With two such different sleep schedules, how can a couple manage to spend time together, not only in an emotionally intimate way, but a physically intimate way?
1. Find a different time of day to sit and talk with each other, maybe when he gets home from work and she’s making dinner. Working together in the kitchen is a great unifier, and it gives husband and wife the chance to talk over the day and reconnect.
2. Send each other e-mails throughout the day with loving, maybe even flirty, thoughts. Of course, if your employer monitors e-mails, you might want to make sure they’re not too flirty.
3. Sometimes the night owl could stay up later or the early bird could get up earlier, thereby increasing the chance that they’ll run in to each other.
And when it comes to physical intimacy?
1. Tell your spouse you’d like to be intimate. Then the night owl can wake up the early bird, or vice versa, to spend that time together.
2. Intimacy doesn’t always have to take place at night. If you have a moment in the afternoon or evening where you can steal away uninterrupted, go for it.
3. You could trade babysitting with a neighbor for an hour from time to time. You probably wouldn’t want to tell the neighbor why, though …
Two people on different sleep schedules can definitely find time to be together. It might take a little creativity, but keeping your relationship alive is so worth it.
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Intimacy and Imagination in Marriage