The more I thought about that research and the claims that self control could be bad and have negative effects, the more it seemed to me it is just another excuse for selfishness. The simple fact is our society promotes selfishness. Advertising gurus have fed us the lie ‘it’s all about you,’ and society has swallowed it. The ads tell us, ‘you’re the most important person,’ or ‘you’re worth it.’ So is it any wonder people then go into marriage with the attitude of what they can get out of it rather than what they can give.
I was talking to a young married woman earlier today and she agreed people are out for what works for them and what they can get out of a marriage. She put it this way, ‘They suck the life out of the marriage. It’s like sucking the juice from a lemon, they suck and suck and in the end all the other person is left with is bitter skin and emptiness because they have nothing left to give.’ A sad comment on the state of many marriages she has seen.
It’s that overstated? I don’t think so. It’s not the first time I’ve heard of people saying ‘I’m in this relationship as long as it makes me happy. If I’m not happy and he won’t change (or she won’t change, depending on who is doing the talking) then I’m out of here.’
Then there’s the attitude of ‘if it feels good, do it.’ Never mind who gets hurt in the process. It’s this sort of attitude that leads to affairs and ultimately divorce. Many it seems are not prepared to work through issues in a marriage but see divorce as just a piece of paper work
The way I see it and the way this young woman I was talking to saw it, being married is all about loving and looking out for the other person. If each partner in a marriage has this attitude the marriage will work and will last. It’s only when one person puts themselves and their needs as of prime importance that it starts to fall apart.
Selfishness is I believe the bane of our society. It shows up in people who insist on their desires and their rights rather than thinking of others. It’s the number 1 reason many of our marriages are failing. Would you agree?
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