I stood there rereading the paragraph, feeling as though I’d been punched in the stomach.
“Mother stated she drank large amounts of beer until the seventh month and used tobacco throughout.”
(For the blog telling the first part of this story, click here.) I called our social worker, who had seen the news only a day or two before I did. I told her I was really concerned and she said she was also. I wondered aloud if the birthmother had been telling the truth when she said she hadn’t drunk during her pregnancy with Meg as well. The social worker said that had occurred to her also.
I called my husband at work. I fleetingly thought that I should be strong enough to wait until I could tell him in person, but I wasn’t. He was angry that we’d been told the baby was a “healthy little girl”. Well, I told him, she is healthy, now. It’s a future risk factor, and they did list it on their full report–they just didn’t mention it in the initial phone call.
I called our pediatrician, who was the head of the Adoption Medicine Clinic at the university and also worked at the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Clinic. I told her assistant the situation and that I would be sending the pictures and records I had immediately. She assured me they would review them as soon as possible.
I fervently wished we had waited to tell our children, then ages five and three, that there was another little girl in Korea who would become their sibling.
I was also distraught that we had told our parents. I wish I could say I was mature enough that what others think didn’t matter to me. To some extent I can say that—we didn’t discuss our decision to adopt in the first place, for example. But still my stomach now twisted in knots, knowing that my mother would be horrified at the idea of adopting a child with alcohol exposure, and that my mother-in-law would be equally horrified if we turned down our daughter’s sister.
The week before, we had told our priest that we had the opportunity to adopt Meg’s half-sister but were fearful of whether I’d have enough energy given my recent health issues. Only two days before, we had gotten all of my doctors’ approvals and celebrated the news with our church family as we renewed our wedding vows. I couldn’t stand the thought of telling our parish family otherwise.
Next: Diagnostic Assessments for Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder
Please see these related blogs:
The One Thing I Said I’d Never Do
A Soul-Searching Question: What Special Needs Could We Handle?
Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder