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The One Where They Get Help

John and Jane were at an impasse. Their marriage was in crisis. They knew it, they tried to work it out between them, but the rifts seemed to grow wider and wider. The words that sum up brilliantly what they experienced are found in the words that open the movie Mr. And Mrs. Smith “The silence keeps growing between us, filling up with all the things we don’t say.”

The silence between John and Jane, punctuated by bouts of anger and accusation, hurt and desperation, grew wider. They recognized that it would continue to expand unless they found a way to break themselves out of the deadlock or got help. With over a decade of time invested between them they decided to see a marriage counselor. A neutral third party, that could help them gain perspective and perhaps help them to restore balance to their marriage.

Years before she met John, Jane sought the help of a counselor for managing her anger. Familiar with the process of individual counseling, she warned John that he couldn’t use B.S. and charm to get around the counselor. He protested that he intended to do no such thing. In equal parts of exasperation and amusement, she reminded him that he often used both when it came to dealing with others.

Four or five weeks went by and Jane finally found a counselor that sounded good both on paper and on the phone. She and John scheduled their first appointment and while their daily routines continued, the atmosphere between them remained highly charged, pregnant with anticipation, worry and in both of them, a little bit of fear.

The day they drove to see the counselor for their first appointment, John asked if Jane was nervous. She shrugged and said she wasn’t sure. She turned the question around and asked him the same thing. He said he was nervous because he didn’t know what to expect. The answer impressed Jane, John rarely admitted to such feelings. In fact, John rarely did anything he wasn’t absolutely sure he would succeed at.

Jane didn’t tell him her observations nor the small flicker of pride she felt that he was willing to do something he was uncertain about for her and for their marriage. Instead, they talked about inane things that kept the conversation and the tone light between them.

The next hour felt neither light nor inane, but filled with the wealth of their uncertainties as they introduced themselves to Doctor Smith.

Coming up next are pieces framing John and Jane’s experiences in the first few weeks with Dr. Smith.

This entry was posted in Relationship Dynamics and tagged , , , by Heather Long. Bookmark the permalink.

About Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago. They have a beautiful daughter who just turned five years old. She is learning to read and preparing for kindergarten in the fall. An author of more than 300 articles and 500+ web copy pieces, Heather has also written three books as a ghostwriter. Empty Canoe Publishing accepted a novel of her own. A former horse breeder, Heather used to get most of her exercise outside. In late 2004, early 2005 Heather started studying fitness full time in order to get herself back into shape. Heather worked with a personal trainer for six months and works out regularly. She enjoys shaking up her routine and checking out new exercises. Her current favorites are the treadmill (she walks up to 90 minutes daily) and doing yoga for stretching. She also performs strength training two to three times a week. Her goals include performing in a marathon such as the Walk for Breast Cancer Awareness or Team in Training for Lymphoma research. She enjoys sharing her knowledge and experience through the fitness and marriage blogs.