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My period was a day late this month. I know that shouldn’t be a big deal at all, but I’m prone to worrying about the littlest things, so yeah, even though the rational part of my brain knew I was overreacting – it was only a day – I couldn’t help but fret. I’d sort of asked for it; a small part in the back of my brain wanted something to go wrong with my pills, so the decision of whether or not to have kids yet would be taken out of my hands.
In the first two years or so of my marriage I didn’t want kids at all yet. I wanted the possibility as far off the radar as possible. I wasn’t ready, and becoming pregnant ahead of schedule one of the worst things that could happen to me.
As the years have passed my panic and aversion have lessened. That’s good: it shows I’m maturing, slowly becoming closer to being ready to have kids. That leads me to my next marriage topic: how does a couple decide when they are ready?
I know, I know: you can never truly be ready. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that phrase; I know it’s true, and I’m not arguing against it. But even those espousing it have to agree that there’s a difference between being at that acceptance stage, being as emotionally and financially prepared for a child as possible, and suddenly having one out of the blue.
Even if those with kids don’t agree, well, maybe you’re not the ones I’m talking to today (no offense). I’m writing to others in my situation, to young married couples who are considering that step but yet the thought still kind of terrifies them. Will we ever get to that point when the terror goes away? It seems an awful thing to have a child when the concept is so frightening.
I know I’m overreacting. But it’s who I am and it’s something I do all the time. I also know, based on conversations with others my age, that I’m far from the only person who thinks this way.
We must look silly to the veteran parents out there. But how many of you can say you weren’t us, at least a little bit, when you were in our shoes, standing on the cusp of parenthood and trying to decide whether or not to take that leap? I have friends who dived right in without hesitation, who knew what they wanted and didn’t hesitate to go for it. But I have others who wavered, like me, and this article is for them.
I’ve mentioned how a perfect weekend for my husband and me is to lay around reading, watching movies, and playing video games. I don’t know that I’m ready to give that up. I probably never will be, and that’s fine, because our kids will be way more awesome than any of those things.
But I feel like the stage I’m in now – that considering stage, the one that still has fear but also some consideration, perhaps even some curiosity – is healthy, and important. I just wanted to send out that encouragement to everyone else in the same boat with me.
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“When Are You Going to Have Kids?”
The Optimum Time to Have Children
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