The problem with negativity is that like many diseases it is contagious. It can so quickly spread not just from one comment to another but from one person to another.
Recently I was playing a set of tennis with someone who was so negative. Every time he hit a shot wrongly, he berated himself. But when he did a shot that was good and a winner, he never acknowledged it to himself. Though I tried to encourage, it was like the words fell on deaf ears. The negative vibes coming from him were stronger. He wasn’t criticizing me or being negative toward me, only himself. But it was enough to change the atmosphere and his game.
What happened next was because he was putting so much pressure on himself being so negative his game started to go downhill. His shot making became erratic. Meanwhile I kept trying to hold up my game. But I ended up feeling under more and more pressure to perform and so ended up making mistakes too. The result was we crashed spectacularly in the set.
It’s no different in marriage. If one person is constantly carping and running themselves down and being continually critical and negative of what they do or don’t do or how they did it, it starts to have an effect on their partner. Their spouse feels under more pressure to feel they have to always put on a brave face and do everything right. Setting a pattern like that ultimately ends up in false expectations of what a person is capable of and it begins a cycle that eventually permeates every aspect of the marriage.
So next time you are tempted to be negative about yourself, remember your spouse chose you. They found something they loved in you, something unique in you. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be the person they fell in love with. Over the years the outer appearance might change, but really when it all comes down to it is what is inside that counts.
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