I shared my search story, and I know I left a lot out. It was a long process, and one I wish to never repeat. The emotions associated with a search are incredible, and not necessarily in a good way.
However, there did come a time, when the search was over, that I began to wonder about a possible face-to-face reunion. It was strange, but surreal. I was happy just having contact via letters and emails and the occasional phone call. But after time, I needed more. The phone calls began coming more and more frequently to where my birth mother and I were talking practically every week. Sometimes more if we were both less busy that week.
But eventually it felt like torture. Like my puzzle was complete, but wouldn’t stay together. The pieces kept popping out. I know, that’s a strange metaphor but it’s how I felt. No matter how connected we were, I still felt disconnected.
I felt like a child. And I was thirty years old.
I had to figure out what it was I was missing exactly, but it didn’t take long to realize that it was simply my mother I missed. Sure, I had her as actively in my life as she could be from 900 miles away. But I needed a hug.
Simply put, I needed her arms around me, even for just a moment. I was certain that if I had that, I’d have everything.
And so we began talking about her coming to visit. It was several weeks of talking about it before she called me one day and said “It’s happening. Here is my flight information.”
I couldn’t breathe and the tears flowed freely for quite some time once the realization set in that I was going to see the woman who gave birth to me, face to face.
I could have never anticipated what the following weeks would be like and how excruciatingly anxious I would be.
More of the story to come….watch my blog!