Do you know the Serenity Prayer?
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference (original by Reinhold Niebuhr).
Even if you’re not a praying person, you can still benefit from the advice contained in this message. While it is often used as a resource in 12 step programs, it also fits marriage perfectly if you think about it:
- We cannot control our spouses.
- We should not try to do so.
- We should know and understand which situations are not ours to interfere in.
- We should learn to be at peace with all of this.
For people of faith, it begins with seeking God’s help. Knowing we can turn to God is a comfort in itself.
For others, it begins with cultivating serenity, and this is the second step for people of faith. Serenity in this context simply means being at peace with your feelings.
Next, is learning to accept what you cannot change, which does not mean you have to embrace it or agree with it, just accept that you cannot make it different. When we don’t accept the things we can’t change, we continue in a fruitless struggle that can only lead to anger, frustration, and resentment.
Have the courage to work for needed change. This can be a real challenge because not only the ultimate change itself but also the process of getting there can be scary.
Develop the wisdom to know which things you and do not have control over. This is where we have to be real honest with ourselves. We don’t control people or events in our lives as much as we’d like to think we do.
We can all apply the Serenity Prayer in our lives and especially in our most intimate relationships.
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