I never knew the difficulties that would come along with having children. They’re not unmanagable and they’re not so strenuous that children should be avoided (because children are great) — they’re just stressful. The problem stems primarily from loving them so much. If you love them and you are responsible for them then you can’t just give them to someone for a certain period of time and hope for the best. No, there’s so much more involved. There are emotions and pacing the floor and headaches from thinking too much about it. Worry is the name of the game. You do it a lot at first when making the decision in the hopes of avoiding worry in the future. Still not sure if it works.
Last year about this time my son was going in for his first year of daycare. Our apprehension about that decision has been well documented here at Families.com. It turned out to be a mostly positive experience, despite our nervousness, and our son is still a happy and healthy child. This year I’m staying home with our son. Our expectations of what my schedule would look like, however, were suddenly changed. All at once I ended up having a teaching position during the day and I would need a babysitter.
The stress of this situation has been unbelievable. If I don’t find someone then I have a choice to make: quit my job (be fired) or abandon my son. While I’d love to bring him to school with me some day for a particular lesson, everyday would be a bit much (college students often have a hard enough time paying attention). So I’ve been asking around. Friends, classmates, peers, former students, and anyone. I make sure when I ask to tell them that I completely expect them to say “no” and understand if they do. I don’t want this to jeopardize their personal successes. Time will tell whether or not I find someone. I know (deep down) that I will… but at this moment I just can’t feel it.