Last year, I wrote a blog about a situation that occurred as a result of a gift card that had not been properly charged by the cashier. My brother, who received the gift card, has autism. He called me, all upset, when the gift card didn’t work as expected. I’m hoping I did better with his gift this year.
One of the things that I have learned as the sibling of a brother who has autism is that consistency, pattern, and an expected outcome of events, are good things. When something unexpected happens, it can cause him great distress.
Such was the case last Christmas. I sent my brother a Best Buy gift card. Long story short, it turned out that the cashier I bought it from didn’t actually activate the card. So, when my brother took his Christmas gift card to Best Buy, well, he got quite upset when the cashier there told him that the card had zero balance.
He called me while he was still in a very upset state of mind. I had to backtrack, and ask a lot of questions, before I understood what happened. I offered to buy him a different Christmas gift instead, and asked what he would like. By then, it was too late. He yelled “Don’t get me anything!”.
He calmed down after I put in some effort to find out exactly what went wrong with the gift card, and reported back to him. When I asked, again, he agreed to let me send him a t-shirt. Overall, this worked out.
Yes, I realize that his behavior sounds quite rude to someone who doesn’t know anyone who has autism. I was not offended, because I understand that my brother had no intention of being rude. He simply was expressing that he was upset when the gift card, that he expected to work properly, did not.
A year later, after talking with my sister about the situation, I’ve learned more. It seems that my brother had some other thing happen that had something to do with Best Buy previous to the gift card incident. We aren’t sure exactly what, but it seems it was something that people who don’t have autism would likely have shrugged off and forgotten about.
If you have a loved one who has autism, keep my story in mind. Christmas, even small parts of it, can be overwhelming to some people who have autism. There isn’t supposed to be a Christmas tree in that spot in the store that he or she always shops at. There are too many people shopping in the store. It all adds up. Don’t take it personally. It is what it is.
This year, I did not get my brother a gift card. I talked with my sister about the gift I selected for him (and wrapped, and shipped out to him), and she thought it was something he would like. My hope is that things go as he expects them to this Christmas.
Image by matteson.norman on Flickr.