I went to a lecture by Rabbi Yehoshua Appel in Jerusalem on the Ten Commandments of Marriage. These are great practical guidelines for everyone who is or wants to be married. These were originally created by Rebbetzin Ester Piekarski
1. “I am G-d your L-rd who brought you out of Egypt from slavery”
We should always remember that our spouse is a gift from G-d and is brought to us through Divine Providence. Therefore, we should have respect for our marriage as something that was meant to be and holy. Since the Jewish people were once slaves, it is important that we do not use our spouse’s background against him or her, and have respect for our husband and wife no matter where he/she comes from.
2. “Do Not Have Other gods Before Me.”
Don’t peer into other marriages and compare your spouse with others. If you are troubled because someone else’s spouse has qualities your husband and wife does not have, look at your own limitations and work on those instead. You could also discuss ways to improve your marriage rather than feeling that your relationship is lacking something.
3. “Do not Take the name of G-d your L-rd in vain.”
Do not speak in a deprecating way about your spouse, even (and especially) if it is in jest. If you are disatisfied with your spouse, speak to a Rabbi, a therapist or your spouse, but do not degrade your marriage by reducing it to a cocktail party joke.
4. “Remember the Sabbath Day and Keep it Holy.”
Make your anniversary special and be sure to commemorate it and show it respect. This involves not just a yearly “date” or dinner, but constant nurturing of your marriage and family life. By investing your energy in your marriage and family, you will be putting what will accrue as good memories into your family’s emotional “bank account.”
5. “Honor your father and mother”
Honor your mother-in-law and father-in-law, even if they are difficult. If you show respect for your in-laws, your spouse’s appreciation of your and your family will deepen.
6. “Do not Commit Murder.”
Don’t “murder” your spouse’s self-esteem and feeling of worth. Learn to curb criticism and deal with problems in a spirit of cooperation. Compliment sincerely and often.
7. “Do Not Commit Adultery.”
Respect your spouse’s privacy. Evey person needs space, and one should respect a spouse’s boundaries.
8. “Do Not Steal”
Don’t take credit for something your spouse has done, and make sure that he or she receives proper praise for his/her accomplishments.
9. “Do Not Bear False Witness.”
Be truthful, even if it is difficult. A little dishonesty can severly undermine a marriage and foster long-term mistrust.
10. Do not Covet
Don’t long for your spouse’s life and see it as superior. There are many humorous movies about spouses and parents “trading places,” and the basis of the humor is that they slowly realize that they made a mistake envying their spouse/child to begin with.