Compliments can be tricky – tricky to give and to receive. The Bible warns us against people who flatter others ‘for the sake of gaining an advantage’ Jude 16.
We are told in Proverbs 26:28 ‘a lying tongue hates those it crushes and a flattering mouth works ruin.’ So if we plan on complimenting someone, our words must not be insincere flattery but must be heartfelt.
In Proverbs 28:23 we learn ‘He who rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with the tongue.’ That is because flattery often has a false ring to it. Proverbs 29:5 says ‘a man who flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his steps.’ Flattery can get us into trouble.
It appears many problems of dissension in the early church were caused by those with a different agenda. These people were concerned with turning people away from the teaching they had received about Jesus. And how did they divide and deceive? By their ‘smooth and flattering speech,’ Romans 16:18.
1 Thessalonians 2:5 Paul, on the other hand, never used flattery but honest words about Jesus and rebuking churches where necessary. And that‘s the key. We need to speak honest words no matter what the situation and not be drawn into flattery just to please or to gain an advantage. If we pay a compliment it needs to be sincere and heartfelt. Paying someone an honest compliment is a good and helpful thing to do.
Knowing how to receive a compliment however, is something that doesn’t come easily to some of us. When my daughter was young I told her when paid a compliment about her appearance or her singing or whatever, not to brush it off but to simply say, ‘Thank you.’
Of course, like a lot of things we parents teach our kids it is harder to do when it comes to ourselves. But last night when someone gave me a compliment I was able to respond the way I’d taught my daughter with a simple ‘thank you.’
How do you handle it when someone pays you a compliment on your appearance, or clothes? Do you brush it aside with, ‘Oh I’ve had this old outfit for years.’ Or you hear someone pay a compliment to another for their preaching, musical gifts, kindness, or hospitality and hear it brushed aside with the pious comment, ‘It’s the Lord doing, not mine.’
While that is true, and the person is wise to recognize it, to dismiss a compliment this way puts the other person down and makes them feel awkward as though they should have kept quiet and never complimented at all. The result is next time someone does something noteworthy or performs some ministry well, they are less likely to encourage or compliment them.
Bible verses from the New American Standard Version
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